The Superhero Diaries 4.4: Teamwork

The Elite Force of Britain: a group of superheroes who joined together to eradicate problem after problem. Recently, the team have been somewhat otherwise engaged. Some are now speculating missing in action. Rumours had it that some superheroes were off-world on a secret mission – a fact now seemingly discounted by N.A.S.A. (the North Atlantic Spaceways Agency; they always get confused with the other NASA) other folk say the superheroes are busy dealing with more home-grown issues. Wherever they are, the lack of superheroes hasn’t gone unnoticed by the dastardly Supervillains United who are having themselves a field day. And so is the world’s media, looking at these clippings found in a hastily discarded scrapbook:

The Overthrower and The Tickler Torment the Tennis

The Up Lawn Tennis Association has been plunged into chaos as two formidable members of Supervillains United wreak havoc upon the men’s doubles. The Overthrower overthrew the umpire and began directing the game in process and The Tickler completely spoiled play by causing all four players and six ball boys to hysterically pound the ground in laughter due to his Multi Pronged Tickler. Whilst all eyes were on the unsportsmanlike display on the court, off the court henchmen helped themselves to the dignitaries’ wallets and jewels.

Two-Oh Duo and Pinchem Mob Ride High

The Self-proclaimed Seven Sods stole the show literally at the Mid Monster Truck Rally this weekend, as each one of this unfortunate banding of baddies made their escape with seven of the eight showpiece vehicles. They made sure nobody could use the eighth either by gluing SVU flyers all over the windscreen – with superglue to boot. Organisers and sponsors alike were less than thrilled.

HeroX and Szikik Redirect Motorway Traffic Down a Country Lane

Frustration, anger and an annoyed herd of cows met commuters during Monday Morning’s rush-hour traffic. Road Closed signs diverted traffic off an already congested M6 and then proceeded to direct them into a single lane country road where the first few motorists found themselves stopped by a herd of angry cows. With no way forward and no way to turn, the four-mile long line of cars and lorries had to wait for hours for the cars to be removed, and then wait for further directions to get back to the motorway. The reason for this mis-direction? The pairing of HeroX and Szikik needed to stop a fleet of armoured cars delivering new pound coins to banks around the country and help themselves to the newly minted coins.

Dawn the Vampire and The Pumpkin Dance by Moonlight

Blackchester residents witnessed the most unusual pairing of the Vampire, Dawn, dressed in a red velvet frock dancing a moonlit tango with The Pumpkin, in top hat and tails, outside the Pyramid Lounge. They’d just scooped themselves a prize by stealing artworks from the Victorian Museum, and were celebrating their achievements in broad moonlight. The dancing wasn’t the odd thing, however. The Pumpkin was last seen in 1924.

A separate clipping wasn’t as attached as securely as the others, perhaps because it focussed more on the superheroes?

Editor’s Thoughts

This is now getting beyond a joke. Our police forces are doing all they can when they can, but with the supervillains running amok there isn’t much more that can be done, apart from the public uprising themselves, which isn’t really a good idea looking at the smug attitudes of the villainous team-ups taking place. We need our superheroes to return. And fast. The question, though, is where are they?