Self Aware

Earlier today, I found myself.

Now, how deep is that? Well, it would be, if it didn’t carry on!

Earlier today, I found myself thinking about how quirky I can be in different situations, not at all the rational example of the human being that I think I should be. Mind you, having a blog like this should strike away the rational part in an instant, but I digress.

It all started as I set out to work this morning. I reached my car, and remembered I’d forgotten something. I’ve actually forgotten now what I’d remembered I’d forgotten then, but that isn’t important, the fact is I always remember I’ve forgotten something when I get to the car. Sometimes, I’ve set off and have to return, and other times, like this morning, I remember just before setting off. You’d think with the regularity of it all, I’d remember before leaving the Mansion, but oh, no. I don’t give it a thought until I’m out through the door and on the far side of the Courtyard.

Some mornings I don’t help myself. For one reason or another, I’m up late and rushing around trying to catch up with time (something I have never managed to do, as my blog visiting proves. I will get there. I will!). Usually, on such mornings, I have to iron extra creases into my shirt for work. I always have to iron when running late. That, or shave (and luckily up to now (touch wood (and I’m actually touching wood typing that) I haven’t mixed up the iron with the razor!) When you rush, you always seem to get more creases, don’t you? I live with them now… although next time, I must remember to leave the ironing and wear the shirt as is… ie less creased.

Now, I do have a terrible memory. I mean I remember things, but just not at the time I need them, which would probably explain the every-morning forgetfulness. I have to knock on a door when I lock it, so that when I can’t remember locking it, I may remember knocking it. I never knock until I’ve locked, and I never walk until I’ve nalked (knocked – can’t remember where I heard that from). So, mornings where I’m rushed can get a bit hairy (especially when I haven’t had time to iron shave). So, some mornings, I rush around a bit, then fly out of the house in a crumpled shirt, lock, knock, run to the car, get in, drive off, drive back, run back into the Mansion, pick up what I’ve forgotten, fly out of the Mansion again, lock, knock, gallop across the Courtyard, get into the car, drive off, and then ask myself if I’d unplugged the iron. Or if I’d locked the door.

Driving to work this morning, at a leisurely pace (I always try not to rush) I started thinking about how odd I am in most situations. I’d even thought of an excellent title for this blog post, but by the time I’d reached work I’d forgotten it. Never mind. At least I remembered what I wanted to write about, so that’s good.

When driving between a tight space I breathe in; I thought this morning as I drove. Most people do that, I’m sure. When driving under a height restriction sign, or through a low tunnel, I duck down. I know I’m in my car, which is higher and wider than me as I’m just sitting there moving it forwards, but I can’t help it. If something hits the windscreen, I blink – a natural reaction. When up in the mountains, on foot this time, not in the car, I have the strangest feeling that I’m about to fall off… even if the decline is so gentle I’m uneasy. Put me by the edge of a canyon, or sharp drop, and I have to get down on all fours. No way can I stand there. Yet when I visited New York City years ago, I had no problems being up on the roof of one of the World Trade Center towers. See… odd.

I remember once being on all fours looking down into a swirling curdling bubbling river, that reminded me of pea soup. This memory is from when I was very little, yet when I mention it to people, nobody knows of where I’m referring to, and they don’t remember taking me there. It’s so vivid I couldn’t have made it up, but I wouldn’t have been there by myself. My theory? It’s a memory of a past life that has stayed with me. Perhaps I fell into this river… or maybe I was pushed…

That’s all well and good, but it makes no sense at all. I can’t remember what I did five to ten minutes ago, yet I can remember with ease a past life (or one part of it anyway!)

Other quirks I’m just remembering…

• I like watching bugs and flies and spiders going about their business, but freak out if one lands on my arm
• I cannot buy an item from a shop if there is only one left on the shelf, even if I only want one
• I have to be served by a human and never use a self service check out
• I’m known for terrible hair. The other day, it looked really, REALLY good. I felt odd
• I really must exercise more, but put it off until tomorrow. Then I forget to do it

I quite like being quirky though. It’s frustrating at times, but it’s also quite funny. My quirks are probably shared by millions of people, but I feel they are unique to me. It’s knowing and embracing our quirks, and using them to their best advantage, that begins to make us better people within. We can’t go far if we dislike something about ourselves, that dislike holds us back and prevents us doing things. We grow to resent it, and that resentment is transmitted out to the point where others notice. Yes, I like my quirks. Each and everyone of them. I may not be able to remember them all, but they try to remind me constantly. I’m happy to say.

I began this post by saying that earlier today I found myself. Maybe I wasn’t that far wrong.

 

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And whilst you’re here (if you haven’t already!) would you like to take a candle or two and spread a little light around the world? This link will take you to my post where you will find several candles to choose from. The candles are free to be taken, you don’t need to link back here or anything if you do take one/some/them, I simply created them so we can all share the light.