The Superhero Diaries 3.2: Medical Matters

All good superhero teams must have a trusted medic on hand, should they be required, and the Elite Force of Britain is no different to any good superhero team. Within their Secret Headquarters, they have a purpose built medical centre, complete with medic, nurse and receptionist. These trusted individuals know all they need to know about each superhero’s identity, medical history and ailments received during the course of their everyday superhero lives. Being as trusted as they are, they are well-paid for what they do, but they also need to charge for each medical procedure they carry out as they can receive no other outside funding. Such problems arise with top secret organisations.

One page of one of their invoices has ‘turned up’ which means it has to appear within these Superhero Diaries:

Invoice Number 79513A
Invoice From: Doctor Eli Flopp
Period Covered: Quarter B, 2014
Invoice Prepared By: Natalie Byte (Receptionist);
Angela Chance (Nurse);
Doctor Eli Flopp

Page One of Eighty-Three

Patient: The Crimson Songbird
Case: “The Porcupine’s Sting”
Procedure: To remove 1,231 artificial porcupine spines from the left arm of the patient that had become embedded during a battle with the villainous Ancient Porcupine who used his experimental Porcugun. AP advised at the time that the gun should have only fired one spine instead of the 1,231 it actually fired, and vowed never to use the weapon again.
Cost: £500.00 per spine. Total cost: £615,000.00

Patient: Invisible Charlie
Case: “A Patchwork Orange”
Procedure: To peel a patch of orange dye from the patient’s leg which had become affixed to the patient’s skin during an encounter with the Dyemaster. This case wouldn’t have arisen if the patch on the patient’s clothing had been invisible, like the rest, but as it wasn’t, it absorbed the orange dye which in turn started to be absorbed into the patient’s leg when its structure had been molecularly altered when his power was in use.
Cost: £1,000.00 for the removal and £550.00 for a follow-up consultation.

Patient: Muriel Magnificent
Case: “Breaking Point”
Procedure: Treatment of a black-eye obtained as a result of Bettystretch246 over-stretching herself to beyond her furthest point and ricocheting back into shape, and subsequently, and entirely accidentally, elbowing the patient in her right eye.
Cost: £45.00

Patient: Muriel Magnificent
Case: “Breaking Point”
Procedure: Treatment of a fractured toe obtained as a result of Invisible Charlie not seeing the patient whilst he was walking backwards whilst invisible and treading on her foot.
Cost: £65.00

Patient: Muriel Magnificent
Case: “Breaking Point”
Procedure: Treatment of a sprained wrist obtained as a result of trying on a small-size jacket of Lycralad’s which was too small and simply snatched her arm back too quickly.
Cost: £85.00

Patient: The Puddleton Protector
Case: “Breaking Point”
Procedure: Separation from Muriel Magnificent after their bodies had become merged at the right and left thigh during an encounter with Hemingway’s the Tailor’s experimental Moleculizer Ray, as they were trying to create new adaptable clothing for Invisible Charlie.
Cost: £1,500.00

Patient: Muriel Magnificent
Case: “Breaking Point”
Procedure: Separation from The Puddleton Protector after their bodies had become merged at the left and right thigh during an encounter with Hemingway’s the Tailor’s experimental Moleculizer Ray, as they were trying to create new adaptable clothing for Invisible Charlie.
Cost: £1,500.00

Patient: The Crimson Songbird
Case: “Silent Whispers”
Procedure: Vocal-chord treatment for sore throat
Cost: £125.00
Continued on Page Two
Page total summary: £619.870.00