The Superhero Diaries 2.8: Flux

The Elite Force of Britain: a team of superheroes who banded themselves together to protect a town; a team of superheroes who decided to stick together when their initial job was done; a team of superheroes who could call upon each other in times of need; and a team of superheroes who make a difference. Mostly.

This is a copy of a letter delivered to the Top Secret Headquarters which was marked Of the Utmost Priority on the envelope.

To the heroes and heroines of the Elite Force of Britain,

Firstly, on behalf of every citizen in the Greater Puddleton area, I would like to thank you for the sterling work that you undertake to keep each day as safe as possible, obviously working alongside the qualified and courageous men and women of The Puddleton Constabulary.

Yes, there are several occasions where my elite team have to mop up certain events, but, and it must be said, those occasions hardly ever exceed one-hundred a month. And, it must also be said, that the Constabulary probably couldn’t handle some of the cases that you find yourselves embroiled in on a regular basis.

The most recent case, that you have entitled Flux within your Record of Engagement ledger with us, is a case in point.

My colleagues are still trying to find the perpetrator of the spell that caused all of your powers to go haywire, but as yet, we have no leads.

Lycralad’s relaxation of elastic power malfunction, that caused the entire town to suddenly have ill-fitting clothing where once the elastic fit snugly, was one of the more comical side-effects of the Flux. Shopkeepers selling lingerie are still trying to pick up the pieces (and the underwear since all of their shop window dummies started wearing their items around their ankles), but they’re getting there.

Psychic Sue’s psychic reversal malfunction helped us immensely when trying to obtain alibis or truths, as was to be revealed, when our criminals could no longer keep their secrets a secret.

Invisible Charlie, however, managed to reverse that stroke of fortune, by his power malfunction causing everything he came into contact with to become invisible; losing evidence and criminals alike. Such things happen, however, and this was hardly Charlie’s fault.

Muriel Magnificent was one of those affected by Lycralad’s malfunction, and her elastic bands caused some kind of feedback effect on her magical abilities, which in turn bound her, leaving her powerless. It took two of my better clerks a full day to remove all of those elastic bands from around her. It was fortunate that they could all see the funny side, with Muriel herself saying she now needs to find something else to flick at her targets to stop them. She is useful when working at full strength, so I hope she finds a suitable replacement soon.

The Stealth Gentleman’s malfunction was also useful, as his blinding glow helped us to re-capture the escaped prisoners from the jailhouse, after Invisible Charlie had accidentally touched the doors and prison staff – leaving the jail open to all. Sometimes, these malfunctions are very useful (in the Stealth Gentleman’s case, not Invisible Charlie’s, obviously.)

Firetop’s inability to start a fire, Parrot Girl’s body being covered in fur, the Diver’s unprecedented fear of water (including the rain – have you noticed how these things always happen in really bad storms?), and Bettystretch being reduced to the size of a mouse also didn’t help with matters, but they also had little effect on the day-to-day running of things. And we are pleased to know that each and every issue has now been resolved.

Our very own The Puddleton Protector was particularly useful, as he developed almost every superpower imaginable as a result of his power reversal, considering he had no powers to start off with. It’s just unfortunate that he flew off into outer space before he could have been of any real use, and is now on the International Space Station waiting to get a lift home. If your team-mates from other worlds weren’t currently on a mission on another world, I’m sure they’d have gotten him back quicker.

All of these mishaps aside, we worked well together then, and we will work well together now and in the future.

My colleagues and I are grateful for the opportunity to wear our new uniforms, since the others became unwearable due to excessive sagging. The whole force is grateful for the donation towards the cost of the new uniforms. We can only presume the donation is from you.

So, in closing, if we can all work together despite these difficulties that come along every now and then, Puddleton, is in safe hands. We can only dream that this can also be the case for the rest of the world, but sometimes dreams do come true.

Kind regards heroes!

Keep up the good work.

Commissioner Alexander Binns
The Puddleton Constabulary.